I've just got over recovering a terrible case of dehydration. I got sick last Monday night at midnight, threw up until five AM, slept for two hours, then threw up a little more. Went to the doctor who gave me a shot for my nausea and told me if I didn't keep liquids down by that night that I needed to go to the ER. That night, I kept liquids down, hooray! The next morning at about 4:30 though, I felt nauseas and went to take a anti-nausea pill when, wouldn't you know it, the liquids that had been so well kept down came flying back up. After an hour or so of total agony and dealing with a jerkwad at the front desk of the hospital I was lying in a hospital bed at the ER for the first time in my life, needle in me, dripping liquids, antibiotics, and all sorts of wonderful things. After another agonizing hour and a second try on the anti-nausea medicine I was pretty much totally exhausted and was in and out of sleep for the next few hours. A chest X-ray showed that it wasn't pneumonia, thank goodness. I was dehydrated though, and got two nice full IV bags put into me. I was drugged for a few days and out for the entire week.
And now I'm trying to catch up. That includes two papers, several internet assignments, and getting ready for two tests coming up this week, as well as an essay and a math placement exam. I've been working steadily for most of the day, staying pretty focused and coming up with some pretty good materials. However, when it came to Civilizations and Ideas essay I cracked. I looked at the essay instructions and even though I had helped other people understand them I was completely baffled at it as I tried to do it myself. It was a breakdown. I still don't understand and feel even more stupid than I normally do.
Because lately, I've been feeling like a real idiot. I can't seem to say anything smart. Talking is just stupid, nothing remotely smart ever comes out. I'm the person that's good at just doing what they're told to do and getting it done right, no more, no less. I'm going to be honest and say that sometimes, I am lazy, and I just don't want to do things, but with this essay, I really feel like a failure. It's the first time I ever just looked at something and didn't know what the heck to do. I tried. I tried to write notes, but nothing worked.
So I emailed my teacher and asked him if I can meet with him tomorrow. I know that I'm going to get the "You should have started sooner" speech and I'm so afraid he's going to think I'm a lazy ass. I'm not. I'm just an idiot that needs help. Lots and lots of help. Is this even worth it. Really? Is all the money that I'm paying right now worth this? Worth making me feel like an idiot?
